“I think I’m failing a course”.
“You?! You’re kidding, right? How could you fail a course?”
Well, it’s quite simple. I lost focus because I lost the drive. Other things were happening and instead of worrying about school I went on a journey to figure myself out. I failed because I chose to learn about myself that year, more than ever before.
But mainly, I was able to fail because I am human.
You know that saying, “if you’re the smartest person in the room, you’re in the wrong room” – I have learned the truth and value in that. This past year I have gone to hear people speak at events, read tons of books and works written about and by brilliant people, introduced myself to a whole new world beyond textbooks and stressing over standardized testing. Entrepreneurs, business people, survivors of tragic events, CEO’s, philanthropists and the list goes on and on. And through these people, I found myself. Through their passions, I found my own.
Truth be told, last year was a tough year in which I had every excuse to falter with my grades (reasons I won’t be sharing, not this time around). But I had a hard time using those as excuses. I hate excuses. When there’s a will, there’s a way and I have always been one to find a way.
Ultimately, I did a find a way. But it wasn’t for school. It wasn’t for doing my readings, going to lectures, studying, writing essays, writing exams, and all that fun stuff. Instead, I began my quest to figure out what I wanted to do with myself after facing the realization that the career path I was following from the age of seven was not the right path for me. Instead, as the 2014-15 school year came to a close, I took the year off of school and secured a full-time administrative job. University had sucked the life out of everything I enjoyed and stripped me of all motivation I once so eagerly held. I was unable to succeed as I once did.
As I worked Monday to Friday, 9 to 5, I explored myself and my dreams every other waking hour. I wrote six chapters for a novel. I made time for several volunteer events. I researched for days about the non-profit sector and how to get into it. I did the same with blogging, small businesses, self-publishing and anything else that sparked a light in me. I put together ideas, budgets, and business proposals of sorts. Most importantly, I removed all the toxic people in my life who brought me nothing but down. People that caused me discomfort and belittled me – I let them go, and it has made all the difference.
I wanted more out of life – more than the zombie life of people walking around blindly thinking they have everything mapped out and there will be one clear cut road to success and maybe there will be, who am I to say? But that road may not necessarily be the one to happiness. And last year, I had learned the importance of my personal happiness and satisfaction. This is not to say that the norm does not bring happiness – working my nine to five has allowed me a great amount of security while I pursued my passions and for that, I am determined to excel there as well.
I’m alive. I’m breathing. Which means I have the privilege of doing anything I want. I have so much potential. I could do anything, and I finally realized that. We all could.
My dreams are valid and I’ll figure out the rest as I go. I’m prepared for a bumpy path, perhaps even a little excited about it. Because despite the criticism, my choices are just that: my choices. The decisions I’ve made during this past year have given me a clearer idea of what I want and what I’d pursue once going back to university. Doing this saved me a year of unnecessary stress, wasted time, and over nine thousand dollars. Doing this allowed me to experience a full-time office setting and dip my toes in different tasks, environments, and social settings. Doing this has allowed me to learn the craft of blocking out the noise of everything and everyone around me
Block out the noise and continuously tell myself that my dreams are valid and wherever I go, however, and whenever I get there, it will be because I believed in my own worth and value enough to achieve that.