One word. Two letters. Immense liberation.
No matter what the question, the request or favour – yes.
The answer is always yes.
No matter how busy I will be or how little I want to I’m the go-to yes girl, always giving and dependable. Although this is one of my greatest qualities, the nature of human beings turns this great quality into a bright light attracting the selfish humans that view it as a weakness and take advantage of it. Often, the people closest to you will take advantage of it and those are the hardest to say no to.
This becomes highly problematic. In order to fully embrace your goals, talents, and value you must always negotiate your time and worth. You have to prioritize things in terms of importance with all things whether it’s time, tasks, or money.
Although being the official go-to person says great things about you and your dependability, you have an obligation to be good and dependable to yourself as well.
You have to surround yourself with people that get it. This is not to say you should act as if you are better or more important than others. However, remember that you are who you associate yourself with despite how much you think otherwise. You have to surround yourself with people that get the dedication you put into everything – the work, time, growth, and investment. You have to surround yourself with people that support, respect, and understand you. Ensure that they are in line with your goals, purpose, and direction and if they ever leave you feeling uncomfortable speaking to them about matters like this, they should not be in your immediate circle of association.
The biggest lesson learnt from being the go-to yes person has taught me how many people don’t truly care for me but rather for what I could do for them. Saying no occasionally is vital in terms of valuing me. Once again, the obligation we have to ourselves comes into play – we must know when enough is enough. We owe it to ourselves to know when that yes is really supposed to be a no.
Above all, we owe it to ourselves to know when to draw the line and stop jumping over oceans for those who wouldn’t even walk on dry land for us.
When you have a few moments to yourself, don’t deny yourself from enjoying it. It’s normal and necessary to take those moments when they come around, especially as adults as these moments come around much less often. You should never feel guilty for genuinely enjoying an evening to yourself if a friend asked you for a favour and you said you didn’t have time. Saying you don’t have the time is not a lie in this case, as occupying yourself with self-care is one of the most important tasks. Working hard all the time means you’ve earned the right to relax and play hard when the occasion comes.
As a girl that is all too willing to spend time, effort, and money on others when needed, show up regardless of the time, and care for everyone else before myself, I learned how self-defeating this becomes for me. Ultimately, I have to be better to me and enjoy pleasures without feeling guilty about it. Even if that pleasure is staying in bed all day without a care in the world.
You do not owe anybody anything. Further, let go of your need to apologize for everything too.
The problem with givers is they scarcely know when to stop giving. To people that constantly take without measure – stop letting it slide all the time. Stand up for yourself, for your worth. Don’t allow others to push you around no matter the relationship, whether it’s at work or your personal life.
Part of living your own life is letting go of what everyone else expects, asks, and thinks of you.
It’s at the utmost importance that in order to declare your value you tolerate less. Let go of people that contribute nothing positive to your life, the ones that only take from you without shame. Although it’s difficult to cut out certain people, setting distant boundaries is a huge step in the right direction. Saying no to more of their requests and not being available for them 24/7 is a good place to start. This does not make you bad or selfish. There’s immense courage in confronting what makes you unhappy, on that which drains you. Instead focus on what encourages your growth and success, on what leads to your happiness.
Rid yourself of the people that are toxic. It’ll eliminate a lot of unnecessary stress and phony relationships. Once again, a lot of these people don’t truly care for you so do not let them take advantage of your willingness to do good by them. They’ll stay connected to you because of the benefits you provide them, doing the absolute minimal necessary to keep in touch so once they need you they’ll have an easy way in.
There is a difference between networking and making connections versus fake friendships to use the other people when in need of a favour or assistance.
Be wary of that difference.
Once you begin with the new found “no”, everyone will form some kind of opinion of you because they are used to a different, more available response. They seem to think they know what you should do and how you should do it so that whatever it is, it benefits them too.
You build your own life – do not let the takers shatter it. You are your greatest investment. Repeat that to yourself over and over again until you understand that. Cancel out the noise of other people and invest yourself in your personal progress to its full potential.
I was always the little girl that over watered plants because I never knew when to stop giving.
Now I know.
I know when to say no.